went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
