remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Enjoy the penises
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
