I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
as a side note pls kill me
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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