i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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