Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
