never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
