He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
