: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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