Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
