I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
