I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
