a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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