These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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