So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
