Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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