mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just fell off a train. Bad.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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