I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
