Got a toothbrush?
youre lurking in front of me
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
