i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
