i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
