dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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