am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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