I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
