You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
