Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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