Umm I'm too high to move.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
