Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
People in love make me want to vomit
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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