Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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