apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
