so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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