The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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