It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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