sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Boobs are out for the taking
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
