oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
