so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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