Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
