Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
