Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
