she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
