i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
