Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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