I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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