Just took my morning after pill in the library
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
