well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
