i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
