I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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