I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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