I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
