I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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