Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
