come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
