yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
