Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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