i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
