my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
