What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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