You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Two words: blizzard sex
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
