He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
