My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
