I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
